I think it would be a good idea for you to remove “Completed Rubik’s Cube” from your resumé.

You are the Picasso of fart jokes.


You will meet the man they call Boxcar Brucie. He’s not a hobo, or a blues man… he just thinks that his recycling box is a car. Regardless, an interesting fellow.

'Wanted: Dead or Alive' is an ineffective choice of wording for a lost pet poster.

Where are your false gods now?

Time to put the ‘Fun’ back into ‘Functional Alcoholism’.

You’ve got a few skeletons in your closet… Mouse skeletons.

You have a very bright rash ahead of you.

These colors don’t run… they sit around and watch tv.

When all is said and done, cat scratch fever is less complicated to deal with than dog bite fever.

Are they your friends, or are they props for selfies?


Your lucky number is “63”.
Your lucky street name is “Palm Avenue.”
Your lucky place is “side entrance”.
Your lucky color is “brunette”.
Your lucky phrase is “Jimmy Two-teeth sent me.”

You think the truth is written on a bumper sticker? You should check the trunk.