I have seen your future. You need to take swimming lessons ASAP.

Get ready to chow down on some pulled crow sandwiches.

Does it count as LARPing if you’re pretending to enjoy someone’s conversation?

Listen to the advice of the medical community: No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

You’re absolutely right. They ARE trying to steal your DNA.

You could start with “the man in the mirror”, but you might want to deal with “the man in the refrigerator” first.

They are going to name a cocktail after you called ‘The Hulk Smash’.

You will choke to death at a dinner theatre… But you will be ACTING!

Your future is so bright you’ll have to wear a welding mask and a lead-lined vest.

I think it would be a good idea for you to remove “Completed Rubik’s Cube” from your resumé.

You are the Picasso of fart jokes.

You will meet the man they call Boxcar Brucie. He’s not a hobo, or a blues man… he just thinks that his recycling box is a car. Regardless, an interesting fellow.

'Wanted: Dead or Alive' is an ineffective choice of wording for a lost pet poster.