They are going to name a cocktail after you called ‘The Hulk Smash’.

You will choke to death at a dinner theatre… But you will be ACTING!

Your future is so bright you’ll have to wear a welding mask and a lead-lined vest.

I think it would be a good idea for you to remove “Completed Rubik’s Cube” from your resumé.

You are the Picasso of fart jokes.


You will meet the man they call Boxcar Brucie. He’s not a hobo, or a blues man… he just thinks that his recycling box is a car. Regardless, an interesting fellow.

'Wanted: Dead or Alive' is an ineffective choice of wording for a lost pet poster.

Where are your false gods now?

Time to put the ‘Fun’ back into ‘Functional Alcoholism’.

You’ve got a few skeletons in your closet… Mouse skeletons.

You have a very bright rash ahead of you.

These colors don’t run… they sit around and watch tv.

When all is said and done, cat scratch fever is less complicated to deal with than dog bite fever.

Are they your friends, or are they props for selfies?