You will lose an old friend. But that friend’s name is Failure! YES! AT LAST!

The metaphoric phrase for the next month of your life would be - “Somebody light a match.”

Oh my god! You have a super power!

Safety first, ask questions later.

Does it count as LARPing if you’re just pretending to enjoy someone’s conversation?

Good news! Track pants for you!

The AP man cometh!

Hey guess what… This is not a fortune!  It is an actual message from us to you, letting you know that there is soon to be an iPhone Ap for FORTUNE SMILES.  Isn’t that exciting!!?!?

Re: Relationships. Door #2

Time to put the ‘Fun’ back into ‘Functional Alcoholism’.

Today, you will come up with a great T-shirt idea.

These colors don’t run… they sit around and watch tv.

Surprise! It’s your birthday! (You were adopted).